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Living alone is isolation during a plague is not as much fun as I thought it would be. I have been on my own since I was twenty years old, that is a lot of years. One tool I had to sharpen all these years, would be the tool of survivorship. In order to survive at a young age and while trying to create a support system by default, I automatically mastered the art in isolation. It was all done on a very subconscious level. In my twenties, all I wanted was to survive.

Growing up in Los Angeles:

Friends would change rapidly, pop culture came, soul searching began and with a huge appetite for surviving, standing out and not looking back, the art of isolation took a life of it sown. It all happened so fast and it was a great ride. I am a fire sign. I spent most of my summers on the east coast and winters in Florida as long as I came back to me, myself and my lovely home life was good. Life is always a duality, I love being with people and I am great at holding a crowd, yet I crave running back to my king size bed with plenty of pillows. Relationships didn’t last cause I kept on moving to the next thing so fast.

Fast forward to 2009 :

Lonely got lonelier and I am no longer in my thirties but I am embedded in my independence with the new awareness that life can’t continue the way it has. Living alone” by choice” in isolation for years was the biggest unhealthiest decision I made in my adult life. However, the survival side of my brain managed to convince me otherwise.

March 2020

The universe had its own set of plans… Plans to include living alone during a plague known as “Covid19“, something I never experienced during my entire existence. On March 11th, 2020, is when I got the notices without any grace period and it sounded something like this…….. Sir, you will no longer be able to go to the beach, work out at the gym or do your racquetball exercises. All I can say was .. but these are the basics that kept me sane. For some this might sound shallow and irrelevant for me there were literally the three things that kept me sane during previous challenges.

I do my best not to be a victim, it does not serve anyone. So I went and I asked above; what is the lesson here for me during living in isolation? The answer came as clear as the light of day and the universe replied: My beloved for decades you managed to convince yourself that you don’t need people because you are a survival. While that might be true to a certain extent its also a false prophecy. No human on this planet can manage his/her existence without another genuine healthy human contact. We are part of the same source and who are you to go out in the weeds just to say “I survived the weeds “. And since you seemed to have enjoyed some kind of isolation, the universe will give you more alone time to chew on.

I live alone with my ten pounds Maltese Lola..and even though I been on my own for decades, nothing prepared me for this. I am sort of new to South Florida ” a different animal from California ” and trying to find my lane with some social conscious groups to cultivate with. I experienced my first Hurricane two years back and was so underprepared and now I am locked up with different daily routines that I dread most of them. I feel very unsafe, for the 1st time in decades. What if this, what if that, who ll do what and who will do that. And my Lola who ll look after her and on and on and on. I question why to get up in the morning and I question why to go to sleep at night. I have been through earthquakes, snowstorms and weeks of rain… I never felt this unsafe, scared and alone.

We are all in this together :

I am sorry but I am not fully on board with this slogan. As comforting as it is, sometimes I find it not exactly accurate. I am not with the nurse in the ER working two shifts saving lives and the couple across the street get to irritate each other if they choose to do so and still snuggle to sleep at night. The ones working from home with multiple kids, I know their Passover /Easter was not on zoom. My biggest anxious moments which are on a daily basis is how loud the sound of silence can be times. Oh, I use to cherish those sounds but not lately. For the ones that live alone, I can tell you from my heart” I feel you “.

Picking up a new skill

While I have no doubt of my lesson in all this chaos, the universe had something for me to do while being in isolation..writing poetry to stimulate my creative psyche. Never done it, never thought I would want to do. So there it is, what can go wrong.

I miss people …I miss their meaningless conversations
I miss their inspirations
I miss their bad smell
Even when it’s uphill
I miss people validations
Cause my ego needs a congregation
I miss people
I miss their hearts that full of laughter
I miss their stories and sadness
I miss their judgments and opinions
It takes 10 for a Manyan
I miss people .. I miss you…..